Count them... Count them all.

Sometimes, being thankful for what we have is hard, especially when we are faced with all that we have lost.  This isn’t a case of seeing the glass half full or half empty, it’s about the ache that we feel when we think about who we have lost, who will not be at our Thanksgiving table this year.

I am thankful that I have had the life that I have had.  I am thankful that as I approach 50 I have been given a second opportunity to live life the way that it should be lived.  I will forever be thankful that I have a friend in Brian who can respond to a call in under two minutes and save my life by simply being there and knowing the exact thing I needed to do at that moment.

As I go into this first Thanksgiving without backup from Jeanette, it brought me joy to know that because of her I have long ago stopped trying to be perfect in my delivery of the meal.  Stove Top is good enough, because it’s whom you are eating with not what you are eating that matters.  I haven’t had to face a holiday and all of its joys and stresses without her as a lifeline for years and for that I give thanks.

Today I am thankful that Jeanette was in my life for as long as she was, teaching me the importance of not caring if the assholes hate me.  Really why did I care what the assholes thought anyway?  I am thankful that I no longer have to carry the secrets of my life; the ones that make you feel less than enough, because she was my friend and carried them with her too.  I am thankful that even though I miss her everyday, she will never really be gone because I see her in her children, see her in her husband and hear her voice in my mind, telling me to suck it up and go make the gravy.  

Today I am thankful for my own family, in its current and real condition and scattered locations.  This will be the 15^th Thanksgiving without our mother, but her decorations and recipes will be on the table and she will be remembered and loved.  I am thankful that my Dad has happiness and love in his life, although distance makes it hard, knowing he is where he is meant to be is making me thankful.

Today I am thankful for my friends that bring me the colors of the world and make each day different and wonderful.  Each of them is different from the other and I am richer for having them allow me to be in their worlds. 

Today I am thankful for my husband and children who have shown me that everyone does not leave.  They have taught me more than I ever could have taught them about love and family.  To know that I had a hand in creating this fantastic group of people makes me the most thankful of all.

Happy Thanksgiving.  Count your blessings, they are many.