A Mad Woman's Mad Holiday Recipe for Peace

Got a case of the Holiday Blahs?  Yep, so do many of us.  I have been giving this blahness some thought these past few days and I have determined that, at least for myself, I am in a self-induced Christmas brain fart.

Every year the Season of Giving begins earlier, dragging out the stress that inevitably comes from holiday festivities with any family. 

We are being conditioned from the very first holiday cartoon we watch that Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanza, or whatever you celebrate should be a magical and perfect experience.  The kind of experience where children play in the snow, without coming in and out of the house a million times, and can build a perfectly proportioned snowman, without fighting with their siblings, that comes to life with the magic of the season.

Who can compete with that?  Who can live up to that?

My memories of Christmas have been altered to make me think that I might really have had that Hallmark Movie Channel type of Christmas and if I am a half decent mother and wife, I will create this same type of memory for my own children. 

When I look back on the reality of Christmas Past, it was a mess.  Babies crying, dogs barking, sisters yelling, Dad hiding, and the overwhelming feeling of joy that I got to experience this madness with my parents and sisters.  It wasn’t a family holiday if someone didn’t storm out of the house or a few choice words didn’t fly.  That is what happens when you put all that Lithuanian/Irish passion in one room.  No one was ever permanently injured, so I call that success and family tradition.

In my own house, the day approaches with growing anxiety that I will disappoint my children with a Christmas that is less magical than the ones that they too are now conditioned to expect.  It is a vicious cycle that I am ready to stop riding.

As I came to the unconscious conclusion that I would never be able to bake like Betty Crocker or entertain like Martha Stewart, I began over compensating with Play Stations, computers and other material things.  This only created a new level of expectation that became impossible to meet.

When the children are young, toys are plentiful because the costs are relatively low.  As they grow bigger so do their wants, toys became computers, bikes became cars and Mom and dad had to work triple time trying to maintain the level of expectation and stay out of the poor house.

UNCLE…. I GIVE…. NO MORE PLEASE

The best advice I can give my children is to not look at what everyone else is doing, and look inside themselves.  What brings them joy?  Being with each other, eating Mom’s Breakfast Bake, a well thought out gift that someone has wanted or have mentioned that we took the time to remember?  These things are more valuable than we know, and we never really know it until we no longer have them.

 

Our sisters/brothers grow up and have families of their own; even our parents don’t remain the same.  My mother has been gone for fifteen years and my Dad now lives 700 miles below the Mason Dixon Line and doesn’t believe that northern winters should be experienced by anyone ever.  I miss those messy chaotic Christmas’ in my past.  I miss what my family was but am grateful for what we are now.

This Christmas I will make a conscious effort to not overly worry about everyone being happy with what I provide. Instead I consciously choose to smile, the kind that comes from deep in my heart and give with the sentiment that it is given with all the love that is in my heart.  I will consciously recognize that God blessed me with another Christmas with my family and another opportunity to make that messy memory.  That is what this season is about.

Merry Christmas to all of you and to your messy crazy families!

Count them... Count them all.

Sometimes, being thankful for what we have is hard, especially when we are faced with all that we have lost.  This isn’t a case of seeing the glass half full or half empty, it’s about the ache that we feel when we think about who we have lost, who will not be at our Thanksgiving table this year.

I am thankful that I have had the life that I have had.  I am thankful that as I approach 50 I have been given a second opportunity to live life the way that it should be lived.  I will forever be thankful that I have a friend in Brian who can respond to a call in under two minutes and save my life by simply being there and knowing the exact thing I needed to do at that moment.

As I go into this first Thanksgiving without backup from Jeanette, it brought me joy to know that because of her I have long ago stopped trying to be perfect in my delivery of the meal.  Stove Top is good enough, because it’s whom you are eating with not what you are eating that matters.  I haven’t had to face a holiday and all of its joys and stresses without her as a lifeline for years and for that I give thanks.

Today I am thankful that Jeanette was in my life for as long as she was, teaching me the importance of not caring if the assholes hate me.  Really why did I care what the assholes thought anyway?  I am thankful that I no longer have to carry the secrets of my life; the ones that make you feel less than enough, because she was my friend and carried them with her too.  I am thankful that even though I miss her everyday, she will never really be gone because I see her in her children, see her in her husband and hear her voice in my mind, telling me to suck it up and go make the gravy.  

Today I am thankful for my own family, in its current and real condition and scattered locations.  This will be the 15^th Thanksgiving without our mother, but her decorations and recipes will be on the table and she will be remembered and loved.  I am thankful that my Dad has happiness and love in his life, although distance makes it hard, knowing he is where he is meant to be is making me thankful.

Today I am thankful for my friends that bring me the colors of the world and make each day different and wonderful.  Each of them is different from the other and I am richer for having them allow me to be in their worlds. 

Today I am thankful for my husband and children who have shown me that everyone does not leave.  They have taught me more than I ever could have taught them about love and family.  To know that I had a hand in creating this fantastic group of people makes me the most thankful of all.

Happy Thanksgiving.  Count your blessings, they are many.

Beware the Elephant in the Room!

there are many layers to this onion... following are the ranting's of a rank and file Montgomery County Republican...

Isn’t this always the way, North versus South, Dog versus Cat, Republican versus Democrat.  It’s easy to see how conflict can unfold from such differing types.  The important thing has got to be how to have a difference of opinion and yet remain unwilling to destroy those that would think opposite of you.  Isn’t this what we have learned over the centuries of independence and freedom?

Turn your focus to our Grand Old Party, over time we seem to have found ourselves at yet another cross roads where we need to decide how we wish to define ourselves.  We brand ourselves the party of family values, fiscal restraint and conservative stewardship but then the same old conflict will arise and some of us will not be conservative enough, or agree that family values just may need to be re-examined to become more inclusive of the younger generational views.  

I have an idea, instead of having an “all in or all out” mentality, how about being more accepting of the reality that we are all different but support the general core traits that make us republican or maybe just maybe we need to be more accepting of each others goals and agendas and remember why the party system was created. I don’t think it matters what party you are with, if your presence and goals are in conflict with an others, there is an automatic reaction to line up supporters and work to discredit the other.  This is a normal activity for opposing parties, but when it continues to the environment that your political party operates in, with each other, it is headed to destruction.

I do not consider myself a political pundit, or even well read on every political issue out there, but along with being a Republican Committeewoman for ten years and working for a living, I have raised four children and I do consider myself well versed on how to get along and to work with opposing personalities.  So to my local party, before I toss in the towel and register independent, maybe these simple household rules (with some modification) could be useful in getting our party back on track.

1. The only person who is the “boss” of us is the voters we represent.  (Remember them?  The people who have the same values we represent.)

2. We don’t quit.  (my children have heard this in the form of – family is like herpes, we are forever.)  Then again, for the case of politics this might work too.

3. A team can only succeed when we all work together.  The main goal has got to be to win elections, regardless if the candidate was our first choice or not.  You cannot succeed when you take your ball and go home because you don’t like the people playing the game, be committed to success.

4. Communicate.  Have faith in the system and make sure you have the right leader in place, one that will be willing to hear all sides and open to finding a common ground.  

5. Stop finding something to be mad at.  If you want drama, join the local theater club.  Walking around, creating dissension or creating an environment that does not encourage open discourse should not be accepted by the rank and file.  In this case the squeaky wheel should never get the grease!

6. If you don’t like what's being served, find another restaurant.  In other words, take your bitterness and anger and take it outside of the party, keeping it alive and nurturing this type of emotion will only bring destruction of the party quicker.

The voters that I have spoken to want to be communicated with not talked at, and I don’t mean by a robo call.  They want to hear why they should elect a candidate.  They want to hear why one candidate is a better choice over another.  I remember a time when my committee person would send a letter to the people in their district and let them know who was running, for what position and why.  A direct and simple communication reminded us that it was time to get out and vote and back in the day we looked to our committee members to share information about the candidates. 

With the advent of Social Media, the avenues of communication change as quickly as the stories about the specific candidates.  Looking to the future is important, but maybe to get back on track we need to think a little old school at the same time.

Montgomery County Republicans, we have a leader, we elected him and we owe the party our continued support.  Lets take this time to figure out how to make sure that we stop doing the same thing over and over again, because that is surely not working and use what works and fix the rest.  Follow the rules of good government, good citizenship and for goodness sake, good manners.

I for one do not believe as Bruce Castor stated in the Intelligencer “Losing every single office… tells me Montgomery County has completely turned and the hope of recovery is slight.”  I believe that there is always an opportunity to prevail, especially when we take the time to communicate, work together and get our voters out on election day.  

Its time to look to the leadership we chose and ask them to lead.  What do you think?

The Good, The Bad, The Mundane

It’s a thick dark cloud that pushes you back down onto the ground, making it difficult to even lift your head, to take a breath or to get the slightest glimpse of sunlight.  It takes monumental strength to lift it up and away, or the patience to wait for it to disappear.  At one point or another, we have all felt this self-oppression.

Life is cyclical.  There are great moments, terrible moments and many mundane moments in between.  We live for the great moments.  We dream of how these moments will be when they happen and work hard to achieve them.  The terrible moments usually come without warning, sometimes taking our dreams and well laid plans with them.  These are the moments we never could have imagined, the moments we work so hard to forget.

The moments in between the great and the terrible are the core of our selves.  It is what makes us able to stand the terrible, achieve the great and recognize the wonderfulness of the monotony that makes up our day-to-day lives. 

Each dinnertime conversation with our children becomes a series of memories that they build upon.  A simple daily routine of homework, talking about the day and a good night kiss can create the foundation that we need to have the strength to survive the terrible and achieve the great.  No one ever thinks that these simple rituals, these minor conversations will have the impact that they do when the time comes to look back and inventory our lives.

Live fully in the moment, because it will be these moments that sustain you when the terrible inevitably comes around.  

Where I'd Rather Be

It's a work day.  It's a Wednesday.  Was the beach calling anyone else today?!!

I can be your Trash Lady

Inspire me, please.  We do the same things day in and day out.  We fall into a routine and accept that this is the new normal.  Isn't there something you wanted to do?  What was it that you set out to accomplish or dreamed of achieving when you were a kid?

I always loved to tell a tale.  For some time now, I have been struggling with what to tell.  I have written my entire adult life but have never thought to step outside my comfort zone and share my writing.  I am too needy.  I have to know you love it.  The old wounds from self esteem self abuse still linger and the battle of what to write has eaten up more time than writing itself.

I love to write what I fondly call "beach trash."  A good suspenseful, maybe romantic read that doesn't take more effort to enjoy than what you want to expend on a lazy day.  When I say I love writing trash, I mean it.  It just flows.

So what was the problem?  Self judgement, self criticism and a need to excel.

What stuck in my head was, "If it isn't the great american novel, then it doesn't deserve the ink it would require to print it."   I have started, stopped, finished, burned and enjoyed every word I have written in my life.  Some of the words were hard to write and some of them needed to be written.  Self therapy and awareness came from writing it all down.  I have to tell you; I have more to write, and its some of the best trash I have penned to date.

Blogging is the outlet that helps my writers mind.  I think it, I write it, I share it and its gone.  Like the rest of you, I have many facets to my being.  I am a mother, wife, daughter, worker, friend and now trash lady.  Writing here, these thoughts, empty them from my mind and allows me to get back to the story line at hand.

Currently there is this really smart woman trying to have it all that needs my attention.  If it ever sees the light of day, I promise I will share it here first.

Show of hands, and it's safe here - this is a no judgement zone - who here likes to read beach trash and are any of you an Agent!?

I'm no feminist but come on...

No wonder so many people are turned off of politics.  Regardless of how you feel about Donald Trump or Megyn Kelly, his comment about her was beyond stepping outside the boundaries of political correctness.

All along The Donald has been saying "I don't have time and the nation has no time for political correctness." He uses this as his reasoning behind his harsh words and direct nature. For a while it was acceptable to me, even a breath of fresh air, but he goes too far in his comments about Kelly on Friday. He said about Megan Kelly that she had "blood coming out of her eyes, blood coming out of her wherever."

This is a smart man, he knows enough to be worth 4 billion dollars, but doesn't know enough to not make menstrual comments? What does that say about his ability to humble himself when necessary? What does this say about his ability to filter any of his thoughts before they come out of his mouth? Isn't that an important trait when you become the voice of an entire nation?  Let's be honest, it wasn't even original or imaginative.  

I wasn't opposed to Donald Trump. I even understood why the generation of my father liked him and were supportive of him. But how can you support a man who unapologetically goes to the basest of sexist comments to make his point? I am just going to keep shopping for a candidate that I can respect and support.